Love Is
Today, I watched a TED Talk called "Falling in love is the easy part." It inspired me to write the following article about what love is, what some people grow up to learn love is, and what the ultimate reasons for loving someone are.
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Love is a concept that people are taught about from a young age. Everyone has a different experience learning about love. Some are taught that love is a fairy-tale, a myth to give hope for a brighter future, a story-line for popular movies and novels, and the happily ever after so many people desperately crave. Some are told that love is a hoax, a sham, make believe, a creation to drive people simply to reproduce, or a lie to get someone to stay with another person. Some people are even sold on how not to love, a concept found more today, it seems, than in the generations of the past. And then, there are the people who are taught what true "love" is.
Love goes beyond a four-letter word. Love is not always a fairytale, and on top of that, there may even be more than one type of love. There is the friendly love we share with those that we are close with; this love is the one we have for our families, friends, and neighbors. Then there is romantic love. This is the kind of love we have towards our romantic partners.
This is where I stop and put in the comments so many of the people reading this are going to think:
You are only eighteen years old; what can you know about love?
Have you ever even been in love?
You don't know what love is.
You are still too young to understand.
Talk to me after a year of marriage.
Talk to me after your first divorce.
I know what your next question will be too, and the answer to that one is, "Yes, I am a mind reader."
I am not writing this to say I am an expert. I am not even sure that there exists a singular, true "expert" of love. I am writing this to say what I feel so many people want to say to others who are looking toward any medium they can find to try to make sense of this thing we call "love."
Love is partially a mutual agreement of sorts. The lovely woman in this video has it right. Love is a choice. Once again, I urge everybody to consider the real meaning behind love. Too many people put love up with the chemical reactions that occur in our bodies; that is not love. That is attraction and lust. Attraction is the physical part of our emotional sphere that tells us who we are attracted to. It is true that this is not a choice; it is a mix of hormones and chemicals that tell our brains who we want to be with in our private sphere. But love is something incredibly different.
Love is one person saying to another, "I know you so well that I know your flaws. I know how you like your coffee, even though I think coffee tastes like dirt. I know how to make you smile when you are upset. I am aware of the things I do that both you to no end. I know when I have gone too far and unintentionally hurt you. We have had some good times. We have had some bad. Yet, even with all these things about you, the flaws, the laughter, the anger, and all that is in-between, I am choosing to stand by your side as an equal. You are more than just the average Joe to me. I care about you and will support you in your endeavors. I will always be there for you whenever I can, and sometimes you will need me at an ungodly hour. Although I would rather sleep, I will be there for you instead because you mean that much."
Love is about companionship. It is a partnership or friendship that is meant to last because of the strong feelings and empathy you share for one another, at least that is what real "love" is. It can be found in companionship in friendship, or it can be found in a romantic relationship. It is the choice to spend time with someone and be there for someone when they need it most, because we occasionally will make sacrifices for the ones we love. We compromise too. The reason love is associated with relationships and marriage is simply the fact that both situations require love to last. Love is companionship to the highest degree. It is shared between family, best friends, partners, and sometimes even strangers. We can always choose love. People choose it in hopes of getting it back in return. It often seems difficult to live without the people we love in our lives because they became a part of us just as we became a part of them through the process of growing together. Frankly, a world without love doesn't seem worth living in, but that is the beauty of love; we can always make room for more.
As one of my favorite songs says, "You're surrounded by love and you're wanted, so never feel alone. You are home with me, right where you belong." Love is that tendency to want to run to someone when something makes us angry, sad, happy, or confused. It is the ties we make with others and choose to keep that make up where we feel most comfortable as people. Sometimes we chose to love others, but they don't choose to take the time to love back. It is not the end of the world. It is the chance to use all the effort and time we would have spent on that person on something even better. Love is a piece of the utopian "happily ever after," but everyone needs the other pieces to the story to set their books into motion. Passion, drive, hard work, new experiences, and knowledge are the other forces that can lead us to the lives we want live. Make your life a "choose your own adventure" book. Live it, not only for love, but for all the chapters.
